The heart of a Black
by comebacksirius
Summary: Narcissa's life from adolescence to married life. She loves, she hates, she gets her heart broken, but she never truly gives up. She stays strong; she's a Black. Warning: M, contains femmeslash Narcissa/Lily, blackcest Narcissa/Bellatrix. Flamer-proofed
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : This story has been marinating in my head for some time, I wrote it in my notebook while I was away by the seaside and I was unsure about it but I was persuaded to try and publish it. ****The reason I wasn't sure is that it's a Bellatrix/Narcissa multi-chaptered fic, yes that means it's incest or blackcest, if you prefer. I don't encourage incest in any way but you know, it's just those two characters together are hotness squared! There is mild Lily/Narcissa at the beginning though, and it will stay light for the first chapters: I will warn you at the beginning of the chapter if it reaches a 'mature' rating. But for now you are safe, this chapter is K+! **

**Don't forget to review, flamers can leave and Q_Q somewhere else, after all I warned you folks!**

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_Hogwarts, Year 4_

My name is Narcissa Black. I am a pure-blood. This about defines my purpose in the world. I am pretty rich, good-mannered; I look down on who is my "inferior". I work hard in school; I do what I am told. I am supposed to marry well, which means with someone who has about the same qualities. Therefore I am engaged to Lucius Malfoy since my eighth anniversary. He is handsome, comes from a pure line and wealthy family; a brilliant guy according to the teachers. In fact he's just an insolent prat, and he always has been. Spoiled to the root, completely selfish, manipulative, hypocrite and uncaring of others. I hate him.

I am destined to him. He owns me and he makes sure every boy in the school knows it. I am his thing and only he will be able to have me when we are legally Mr and Mrs Malfoy. I don't deny that's a true fact. The only thing that is actually reassuring is that traditions don't allow him to come near me before our wedding night: it's a relief. I can at least live my adolescent life without him observing my every move and ordering me around, making me subject to his insignificant needs like the good wife I ought to become one day.

While I am away from home and also safe from him, with my friends at Hogwarts, the only rules I have to follow are the establishment's rules and my own. No parents or husband to control me, only my ever observant sister who usually keeps a close eye on my comings and goings, though she doesn't know all my secrets. She has no idea my best friend is Lily Evans, a Gryffindor and a Muggle-born. Or that I will not spend a week this summer at the Zabinis', but in a Muggle house, in a Muggle town, with Lily's family. And I don't intent to tell her, nor my parents. They cannot understand.

Meda is the only one who knows. She wouldn't tell a soul because she's done far worse than just befriending a Muggle-born, she dates one in secret. In any case she's my cover for this summer and I'm very happy because I can finally be with Lily all alone for a whole week. We'll have so much fun together! We'll share a million secrets and she'll make me discover her unusual world.

_**Update coming soon xx**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N : Wasn't long, right? ****That's because I am already many chapters ahead in my notebook. Just need to type them. :) **

**Thanks to Mysterious Flower for having reviewed so quickly!**

_Lily's place, Day 1_

I arrived at Lil's house tonight. I was able to convince my parents that Andromeda should accompany me. She's 16 and has just received her apparition license. She left me at the doorstep of Lil's and I was welcomed warmly by her whole family. They are amazing, kind people, though I am not sure about her sister who was strangely distant throughout dinner and reacted coldly when I tried to chat friendly with her.

I share Lily's bedroom and I love it. It's completely different from mine back at home. She has picture frames and the people in it are not moving. Her walls are pink and covered with painted flowers and she has very fun objects but none of them are magical, well not in the traditional sense anyway. We played Ouija, which is a game used to communicate with spirits and it's fake but it was rather enjoyable. We scared ourselves out by answering our own questions to the dead!

We also had a good time reading Muggle storybooks under the covers until late at night, using what she calls a flashlight instead of Lumos. Her parents are Muggle so the Ministry is able to tell when she uses magic while still underage. I put my wand away in my trunk for the week and will live Lily's way. I'm so excited!

_Day 2_

Today we went out in the fields near my best friend's house to chase butterflies. Petunia, her sister, did not wish to come with us but she stayed on the back porch acting like she was reading a book while in fact she was spying on us. Lily and I imitated her and laughed behind her back a little before we began chasing the flying insects around with our multi-coloured nets. Lily had lent me a beautiful flowery dress and she wore a light blue one. Sometimes when I was watching her jump from one stone to the other I got a little jealous. She is so graceful and beautiful. I envy her deep forest green eyes and her flame-like soft red hair.

People tell me that I am very pretty but I'd like to be pretty in the way she is. I could spend hours brushing her shiny, silky locks and binding them back into plaits. She said she likes my long, straight blonde hair just as much but I don't believe her. I don't believe she really thinks I am beautiful, though she often says so. I don't think I am beautiful.

_Day 3_

Today we went horseback riding. I discover so many new things with Lily. She's amazing, she's free-spirited and constantly joyful, not to mention terribly smart. She's my heroin. I used to admire Bella, my sister as much as I do now with Lily, but as much as I love my big sis, she lacks many qualities my Lily has: like gratuitous kindness and an optimism to overcome everything. While Bella is my guiding evening star, Lily is my ever glowing ray of sunshine. She just makes everything so easy and happy. This is really the best summer of my life. I can't believe there are just four days left.


	3. Chapter 3

_Day 4_

I went in a swimming pool for the first time of my life. I'll have to tell Meda about it. Muggles dig some kind of hole in the ground and fill it with clean water and a substance they call chlorine. It's very handy; they have those very hot rooms in which we can dry ourselves afterwards, the saunas.

I used to bathe in wild rivers near our uncle's land with Meda and Bella and we always went into the cold water naked, but when I started removing my clothes to go in the pool, Lily smiled and told me she had a swimming suit for me. I put it on and it's a very weird piece of clothing that can go underwater. I really like it though and I hope Mother will want to buy me one when I return, if she's not too mad it's a Muggle accessory, because it is indeed very useful.

I slept again in Lily's room, in the twin bed from bellow, but in the middle of the night there was thunder. I got scared and slipped out of my covers to join her like I would do with Bella at home when I was younger. She laughed and told me I had nothing to fear. She stroked my hair gently until I fell asleep and when I woke up my head was still resting on her shoulder.

I watched her sleep a little before I made to wake her up, like every morning because I am an early riser. She looked so peaceful and angelic, maybe it was a wrong thing to wonder about but I thought she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. I don't know why but I had the impulse of kissing her cheek. I did so but it did not wake her up. I decided to take drastic measures and I jumped on her and tickled her until she sat up in the bed and begged for me to stop.

Her cheeks were red and her eyes puffy and weary from sleep but she didn't let me go that easy. She attacked me with her pillow but missed; I fled the room and we chased each other around the house, giggling and shrieking until it woke her father up and he yelled for us to calm down. We stopped and went in the kitchen, still giggling. Then we ate honey combs (now my favourite kind of cereals) and milk for breakfast.

_Day 6_

Lily and I had the time of our lives the last few days, but tomorrow would be the day I had to leave. I was very sad. Since the night there was a storm I had been sleeping next to my friend in her bed because I was afraid there would be another one. I always woke a little earlier than her. Her legs would be tangled with mine or my hand resting in hers, my head in the crook of her neck, and I looked at her for a few moments before waking her with some new game. I felt safe beside her.

I had always been fond of her personality and how she constantly found a way around problems, how she dealt with every single thing flawlessly and with a smile on her face, but now, since the beginning of the week, it were her looks that really caught my attention. At home, in her birth town, she looked in her element; she seemed even more perfect to me.

I was beginning to think it was not just envy or fondness I felt for her but something more, something like love, a feeling I was supposed to keep for my family and my husband, not my friends with whom I was supposed to keep some kind of distance, not obsess about. I was afraid of the person I was becoming, it was not who I was meant to be. I knew Lily made me a better person, but she also transformed me in ways she shouldn't, even unknowingly.

Never before had I held feelings as deep for anyone, just slightly deeper than family links but also more fragile. I knew she did not, never would return this kind of feelings. I was just a friend to her, she was interested in boys and I knew it. I thought that romantically, I was only interested in boys too, but my heart tells me otherwise.

I can't stop the beating of my heart when she's near. I don't know what I will do when I have to leave. I will terribly miss her. But maybe it's better that way, I need to be myself again.

_Last day at Lily's house_

I cried when Andromeda came to pick me up. Lily cried too and we held each other before promising to write and keep in touch until fall. I hugged her parents and even her sister before aparating away with Meda.

At supper that night, Mother and Father asked me how it had been at the Zabinis' and I lied to the best of my abilities, while Meda looked away guiltily and Bella remained silent, her eyes fixed on me with a dark, scary glare. When I slipped into my bed, not long after, exhausted, I heard my door creak open. Bella stepped in quickly and walked to my bedside. She leant down and whispered threateningly.

"I don't want you to see her, Cissy. Not ever again. Or Father will know of your lies. Don't forget I am your sister and I know everything. You can't hide anything from me for long. I love you but now you need to listen to me and break this friendship. Is that clear?"

I gritted my teeth before answering. "Yes, sister. I will do so."

"Alright. Good girl." She stroked my cheek and kissed my forehead before heading out of the room, less tense than before. I cried myself to sleep. I knew now I could never see Lily ever again. Therefore, I had to face this sad reality. I did not answer to any of her letters for the rest of the summer.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N****: M rating takes effect now**

_Hogwarts, Year 5_

Because I broke my friendship with Lily Evans, I'm lonelier than ever before. I also miss Bella because it's my very first year here without her. The lessons are boring and my classmates are too. I am much eager to finish this pointless school year and go back home for the summer holidays.

_Narcissa's 15__th__ Summer_

I finally came back home on the Hogwarts Express. My parents, but especially Bella, were very happy to welcome me. It appears she had been as lonely as I was this year, maybe more, with practically no friends to see and no lessons at all to attend. I hug her to my chest and walk arm in arm with her towards our carriage, Meda close behind with Mother and Father.

We take the ride home and Bella and I hastily escape to my room as soon as we arrive. We have always been the closest in the house, twice more than how close I am to Andromeda or that she is to Bella. When we begin to talk it can go for hours on end. We're glad when Mother lets us skip dinner to keep catching up. We want to recount résumés of our entire year in just one night's time, so it's quite a big task. At midnight, when she stands up to leave, I plead for her to stay in my bed with me. I've spent the whole year sleeping in a dormitory and I don't feel safe if I'm left alone at night yet, plus I missed her terribly.

She accepts and falls right back into bed next to me. I say good night and turn my back to her before preparing to fall asleep. She puts an arm to rest around me and encircles my waist. I smile and drift into nothingness, her hot breath warming my scalp.

The next morning I feel her hair tickling the nape of my neck under the first rays of sunshine and I turn towards her to find her fast awake and her deep dark eyes resting on me, smiling. I hug her before going in my private bathroom to shower, dress, and brush my teeth before joining everybody downstairs for breakfast. We quickly make plans with Meda to go to the lake and the rest of the day goes by quicker than I would have imagined.

_Black manor, start of July_

It's been two weeks since I came back. I feel completely revitalized. This year has been hard on me and I'm glad to finally be back where I feel confident and at ease, with my family. I know I have just two years of schooling left before I belong in another family: The Malfoys. I try to appreciate every second I still have as a Black.

It's been months since I tried to rid my mind of images of my former best friend Lily. I do miss her but I know the only option I have is to forget about her. It appears she's not a suitable friend for me. I pass time with my sisters so everyone is happy.

Strange feelings of desire flood over me at times. Mother tells me it's normal at my age, but my whole body is transforming. I have suddenly started to notice body parts that I barely used before and that hold mysteries I did not conceive.

My explorations of these new areas went on and while I was "exploring" in my bathroom one morning, Bella stepped in without knocking. I was in the bath and my eyes were closed, my hand wandering somewhere nobody should have seen.

Her jaw dropped and she backed away, closing the door. "Shit" I thought. "She definitely saw me." I suppose what I am doing is wrong and I should stop, but it feels so good. I pick up a framed picture of Lucius so I can focus on it, after all he is very handsome, but it does nothing for me. I tip my head back and images of Lily laughing or lying next to me fill my mind, and while my hand moves madly some place down, I experience a completely new sensation. My whole body spasms and I feel liquids flowing from my center. I think this must be what the older girls at school referred to as orgasm. It does feel good. My chest is still heaving while I empty the bath. I step out, dry up, and dress.

"Bella?" She glances at me; her eyes meet mine for a second before she tries to avoid my gaze once more. "Bella please, what you've seen upstairs… please forget about it. Can you?"

She nods and finally holds my gaze. She really looks embarrassed but recovers quickly with her usual cheek. "So… sister. It seems you have already become a woman. Wanna talk about it?"

"We don't have to, I mean, I don't want to bother you with my issues."

"No, no. It doesn't bother me. I'd be please to give some advice, if I can."

"Ok."

That's how my big sister finally explained to me how a woman's body worked and why I was starting to feel weird at times. She explained it was normal and that hormones were the reason for it. Her help was useful because I didn't know any of these things, and I learned to incorporate my "hormones" to my everyday life.

By the end of July, I felt like my regular self again. It was a Saturday night and a storm was raging outside, heavy drops of rain falling soundly on the roof and thunder booming out my window. Merlin knows I hate rainstorms. I fled my cold bedroom and joined Bella in hers. It had been a long time since I had felt the need to do this. I came up behind her as she was combing her hair before sleep. I took the wooden comb out of her hand and resumed the combing myself. She smiled at me in the mirror and I grinned back at her reflection.

"Afraid of the thunderstorm,Cissy?"

"Yea, you know I can be a big chicken sometimes."

"You want to sleep with me tonight, don't you?" She asked, still smiling.

"Yes, if you don't mind."

"Of course not, you're already in your nightgown so why don't you go into bed, I'll join you in a minute."

I made myself comfortable in her four-poster bed. Bella lied down a minute later and looked at me, a joyful expression on.

"Do you want me to invent a story for you like when you were younger?"

I smiled brightly and nodded. My big sister was 19, soon-to-be married to Rodolphus Lestrange and about to start her adult life but she still took time to take care of the teenager I am and do activities with me. I felt special I could still hold her affection like that.

"I'd love to!" I snuggled into her and rested my head between her shoulder and her chest. She caressed my head while she began with the story. She had a gift to invent mysterious lands with fantastic creatures living in it and use beautiful words to elaborate a story around it. I listened to her until I became too drowsy and yawned.

"You're tired Cissy. Go to sleep. I'll continue tomorrow if you want."

"Yes, ok." She kissed the top of my head and rolled on her side of the bed to leave me some space for the night. She always slept on her stomach, while I could only find sleep when I rested on the left side of my body, a habit I had gathered from childhood. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I did not even hear the raindrops anymore, something about Bella always made the scary things go away.


End file.
